I’d Bet You’d Never Guess Why Self-Care Is So Important
“You can’t pour from an empty cup”, is a widely used saying that basically means you can’t take care of other people until you take care of yourself first. Another great example is when flight attendants instruct you to, “put your mask on first” if oxygen levels go down during your flight. The idea here is if you don’t get the oxygen you need, you can’t help others put on their masks. Self-care is important. You know that. So why isn’t it a priority? I get it - you’re busy! There’s not enough time in the day to get it all done. Besides, you’re strong and can just push through feeling depleted. But what if I told you that eventually you can’t? That eventually your happiness in life will depend on slowing down and doing activities that promote self-care? Here’s a closer look at how depletion impacts your overall health and how self-care gives you the energy and balance you need to make better decisions, have healthier relationships and be happier in life.
What It Means to Feel Depleted
Research shows that overusing your brain’s executive functions without regrouping or downtime is a key component in feeling depleted. So what are executive functions? As I mentioned in my article, Anxiety: It's Not All In Your Head, the executive functions of the brain include regulating behavior and emotions, problem solving, planning, making decisions, resisting temptations (hello, brownies…) and being persistent when dealing with conflict or tough situations.
It takes energy to engage in these functions! Here’s a quick exercise: Think about how it feels when you hold back from yelling at a co-worker or throwing a temper tantrum in the grocery store or stopping yourself from eating all the ice cream in the house. How does that feel in your body? Pretty exhausting, right? And I didn’t even include having to figure out how to be in 3 places at once, or what to eat for dinner, or how you will continue to handle the tension between family members.
The thing is, your body and mind only have so much energy to give out each day! And the activities you do on a regular basis to keep your life moving forward drain your energy. When you use all that energy up, you can be left feeling depleted, which impacts your body and mind. You feel fatigued, you might make poor decisions (or no decisions at all) and you might have a hard time controlling your emotions. There is no more energy to support the executive function of the brain, so your “primitive brain” takes over and you react from your emotions rather than thinking things through. And this is when we usually do something or say something that we’ll regret later. You might think you are “pushing through”, but you actually end up harming yourself and your loved ones.
Executive function activities happen every day, so it’s impossible to avoid using all our energy - it’s a part of life. Great. So pushing through is the only answer? Nope! We can avoid depletion by learning how to refill our well.
Refilling the Well
My cousin grew up in the country on a mountain and her family had a well for water supply. I can remember being there multiple times as a kid when the “well would be low” and we’d have to wait before we could wash our hands, flush the toilet or even get a glass of water. The well would need to “refill” before we could take from it again.
Think of your energy supply as that same well. You only have so much energy you can utilize during the day and the activities you do either take energy from your well or put energy back into it. Executive function activities take from the well. And they take a LOT! And when you feel depleted, chances are you have overworked all these functions and are pulling from an empty well.
In order to recharge and refill your energy you first have to connect to the present moment. Ask yourself how you are feeling physically, mentally and emotionally. It’s hard sometimes to tell the difference between just being lethargic and tired versus depleted. Being tired and lethargic might mean you stayed up too late the night before binge watching your favorite TV show, or you feel sluggish and need to move your body to get it back in balance. Depletion feels like your body and mind have nothing more to give and you probably feel like you are on the edge of losing it. To really be aware of the differences, you need to connect to what is happening in the here and now. In other words, you need to know the current landscape before you can decide what to do about it.
The second step is to pause. Stop bringing in external stimulation (e.g., emails, phone calls, traffic, interactions with others, etc) and focus your attention inward. This pause begins the process of refilling the well. Once you know your current landscape and have removed all external distractions, you can decide which activity you need in order to recharge and fill your well so that you can go back to effectively using your executive functions.
Activities To Refill Your Well
There are many activities that you can do to refill your well. Here are a few suggestions to get you started thinking about what might work best for you.
Movement - Whether it’s yoga, walking, hiking, lifting weights, or going for a run, moving your body helps regulate your nervous system and reduce your stress level. Of course, the activity of choice has to be something you love doing. Personally, running is not my jam! I only run when being chased. So, when I feel depleted, I don’t choose to run. But I do choose to practice yoga movements. That works for me. You have to decide what movement might be best for you in that moment.
Breathing - Nothing refills your well quicker than pausing and consciously breathing. Taking long deep inhales and exhales soothes the nervous system and activates the parasympathetic (rest and restore) systems of your body. You bring in more calm to your mind and rest to your body. And - best part! Just a few deep conscious breaths can reset your entire system.
Meditation - Sitting and noticing your breath or noticing your body’s sensations reduces stress and will slow down your mind. Even just a few moments of meditating on the present moment can restore your energy and regulate your body.
Sleep - There is nothing like a good night’s sleep to refill your well. Your body needs sleep to rejuvenate and recharge and the longer you go without a good night’s rest, the less able you are to function at your best. And if you are having trouble sleeping, sometimes movement, breathing or meditative exercises can help you slow down just enough so you can drift off to sleep.
Mindful eating - Have you ever slowed down enough to notice what you are eating? It’s a powerful practice. Pay attention to each bite without the distractions of your computer, phone, TV or conversations with others. Really notice how the food looks, tastes, smells, and what it’s texture feels like. Simply enjoying your food can bring your awareness to the present and increase your sense of gratitude for the wonderful meal you are enjoying.
Other suggestions include:
Journaling
Listening to your favorite music
Spending time with furry friends
Putting together a puzzle
Reading your favorite book
Taking a bath
Getting a massage
Taking a nap
The list goes on and on. Just make sure whatever you do to refill your well, it makes you happy, gives you energy and puts a smile on your face.
So there you have it! You’ve always known self-care is good for you, but now you know why it’s vitally important so you can show up at your very best for yourself and your loved ones. Self-care is not selfish. It’s a part of being able to function in life. Without it, you are left depleted and overwhelmed. With it, you are left feeling energized, more productive and able to take on the world!